Aunt Mildred has died, a lovely woman in her 90s. As it turns out, you are in her estate plan – but not as a beneficiary. Shockingly, you have been given a starring role and you never even knew you were up for the part. She named you her trustee.
What that means is that you have been thrust into a gulag that will demand months or even years of labor. You’ll spend most of that time in a financial and legal underworld filled with dubious characters.
You’ll referee squabbles among the heirs over chipped dishes. You’ll spar over pin-money accounts with annoying bank clerks. You’ll despair at the cost in time, money and heartache of settling an estate.
As you begin your journey, you may find it helpful to ponder how you feel about this unexpected obligation. Consider the classic five stages of grief.
Denial: “No! Why did Mildred pick me? Why not her daughter, the lawyer? Maybe there’s a way to dodge this quietly. I’ve never served as a trustee so I’m clearly inexperienced. I wonder if there’s a special exemption for people who don’t like paperwork.”
Anger: “This is outrageous! What did I do to deserve this? I have a career, a family and my own life to manage. I don’t want the responsibility. Will I be blamed if something goes wrong? I don’t have the time for this hassle.”
Bargaining: “Maybe this won’t be so bad. I’ll handle the estate so efficiently the IRS will be as docile as a puppy. I probably won’t have any problems with Illinois or New York, two states where Mildred owned assets, despite their reputations for niggling over estates. Surely Mildred’s children will appreciate all my hard work. They won’t lawyer up or blame me if the stock market goes down.”
Depression: “Mildred’s lawyer just burst my bubble. Her children may hold me responsible for things I can’t control. Apparently, the IRS sometimes tries to extort settlements. Illinois and New York are known to be rapacious. Settling this estate could take years.”
Acceptance: “Aunt Mildred was always kind to me. She probably chose me to preserve harmony among her children. Sometimes siblings use the settlement process to ‘right the perceived wrongs of Thanksgivings past,’ as Mildred’s handsome and wise lawyer put it. So, yes, I will do my duty and act as trustee for my dear aunt.”
You will survive the experience of being a trustee. Now you know the process may be difficult and it will likely change you forever, hopefully for the better. Take comfort in the assurance that you will find trustworthy guides, experienced in the process, standing shoulder to shoulder with you.